


For What We are Given and Denied

by slash4femme



Series: So They Say, for Everything a Reason [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Character, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, It's like two negatives, Sarek can't help being Vulcan, Slice of Life, for JJ Abrams' AU, slightly AU, there is also math and coffee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-02
Updated: 2014-04-02
Packaged: 2018-01-17 22:37:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1405075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slash4femme/pseuds/slash4femme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarek is the Vulcan Ambassador to Earth. Doctor Amanda Grayson is a professor of pure mathematics and theoretical physics at UC Berkeley. </p><p>This is how they met. This is how the pieces fell, between coffee, mathematics and silence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For What We are Given and Denied

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Amanda/Serak fic ever and my first work of fanfiction in almost two years. 
> 
> It is not beta'd, therefore all mistakes are my own.

I.

she met him walking from her office to her favorite coffee shop. She could have replicated her coffee she supposed. She liked the idea of going to a coffee shop for it though, the purposefulness of having to stop work and walk there, the ritual of picking out what she would have, the same every day. She would exchanging a few pleasant words with the young  people who worked there.

 

He was the first Vulcan she'd ever met and she nearly ran into him that day. It was raining, not hard but enough of her to feel it and she'd forgotten her umbrella at her apartment that morning. She was hunched over, hands stuffed into the pockets of her peacoat, collar turned up against the wind, eyes fixed on the pavement instead of where she was going.  By the time she looked up it was almost too late.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

They did an awkward little dance trying to sidestep around the other.

 

"I didn't see you" She said smiling up at him. He was tall and thin, with rather striking features and a little bit of hawk noise. He reminded her vaguely of a picture she had seen once of a statute of some ancient Roman general or emperor. His hair was black and cut neatly and he was dressed all in black as well.

 

"It is of no concern." He told her tone formal but not too unfriendly. His voice deeper than what she was expecting it to be somehow.

 

"Well then have a good day." She smiled at him again just to see if it made an impression of some sort and found it didn't.

 

"And you." He inclined his head a small amount and then passed her by on the street without looking back.

 

Amanda continued the rest of the way to the coffee shop.      

 

II.

 

She was working in one of the math labs when Doctor Stanton the head of her department knocked on the door.

 

"Doctor Grayson," he looked vaguely uneasy standing in her sunlit space and Amanda turned from the large clear glass display boards she had been working with. She had moving mathematical equations made of blue light across the glass and altering them when needed.

 

"Yes?" She kept her tone polite but not particularly friend. She did not like him, she did not like the number of projects he had the department take on for Starfleet. Starfleet had their own mathematicians, they didn't need to take up UC Berkeley's time too.  

 

"The Vulcan Embassy is requesting a presentation on the new dark space theory and how it applies to wormholes." Doctor Staton said, "since you worked on the project I it might be a good idea for you to be part of the presentation."

 

Amanda frowned "I don't really have the time —"

 

"Doctor Grayson please." Doctor Stanton overrode her, "this in the best interest of the department."

 

Amanda sighed taking off the heavy, antique glasses she wore when she worked and rubbing one hand across her eyes, "Fine."

 

"Thank you." Doctor Stanton turned and left.

 

After a minute Amanda turned back to the long row of screens and began moving equations back across them again. She had just enough time she though to finish up this proof before her advisees started showing up.

 

III.

He was at the presentation.

 

She'd nearly forgotten their meeting, filed it in the back of her mind with other vaguely embarrassing occurrences featuring strangers she expected to never meet again. Yet here he was, sitting calmly in one of the tall yet narrow chairs in the Vulcan Embassy. The table was long but strangely narrow too. Vulcan's tended towards straight lines and precise angles in their architecture Amanda noted, not so much flowing organic shapes. She at least appreciated the geometry of it.

 

Amanda and the other mathematicians and physicists who had worked on the project at one end in front of the viewing screen and all of the Vulcan's sitting in chairs along the both sides of the table.

 

Their presentation was a very standard explanation for why they thought dark matter was an inadequate term for describing certain areas of space and why and how it affected wormholes. Amanda talked about the math behind the theory, and mostly let Roger the eldest physicist on the project to the talking.

 

He approached her after the presentation. He was dressed in the heavy black robes he had been wearing at their first meeting, a pattern of silver up the front, but aside from that unrelieved in it's severity.

 

"Doctor Grayson." He folded his hands in front of him and inclined his head slightly to her. "We thank you for presenting this research."

 

"Your welcome." She smiled at him and again and found it got her nothing which made her feel rather pleased. "I don't think I know your name though."

 

"Sarek." He told her. "I found the parts of your presentation on the mathematical proofs concerning the interaction of unseen matter and worm holes to be fascinating. Although I did not follow all of it, but then my knowledge of mathematics and science is merely sufficient.""

 

"Oh?" She looked up him surprised, "What do you do here on Earth then?" She had assumed all the Vulcan's present were scientists involved in some project.

 

"I am ambassador here." He said.

 

"Oh."

 

He looked young she thought, she hadn't been around enough Vulcan's to be good at judging their age, but Sarek looked young. Too young to be the Vulcan Ambassador to Earth.

 

"I also hold a position on the Federation council and several committees." He added without noticeable pride. "Sometimes that does require a certain level of mathematical and scientific comprehension but not to the level of which you have attained."

 

She couldn't help smiling again at that, "Thank you. If you want me to explain anything, you might not have understood ..." She trailed off suddenly not sure if she'd offended him but he only inclined his head again.

 

"My thanks."

 

"Do you drink coffee?" would it seem like she was flirting? Was she flirting? She didn't think so.

 

He tilted his head to one side, "I drink tea."

 

"Would you like to come with me some time to the coffee shop I go to?" She asked, "I think they have tea, and we could talk, about the presentation or anything really." Oh hell maybe she was flirting.

 

He hesitated for a long moment and she thought he was going to say no but he finally nodded, "that would be acceptable."

 

There was a little flutter in her belly when she turned away. She watched his tall form out of the corner of her eye as he crossed the room over to where the group of Vulcans stood.

 

IV.

 

It is two weeks before meeting happened. Amanda walks into her office one overcast and slightly cool, for San Francisco, day to find a message from the Vulcan embassy on her computer.

 

_I am free to meet you in front of the University for tea and coffee._

 

the message read.

 

_Would 14:00 hours be acceptable?_

 

 _It would be acceptable_ she wrote back smiling slightly, _I would suggest you bring an umbrella it looks like it might rain._

 

Amanda had cut her hair that summer, she had worn it long for most of her life, straight and brown and unremarkable. That year though when the weather had gotten hot she'd cut it all off getting it buzzed down close to her head. At home she tended to wear jeans and over-sized men's shirts but at work today she wore black dress slacks, heeled boots and a dark grey turtleneck sweater. The weather controls inside the University were always adjusted to be overly cool in the spring and summer so her outfit was practical inside her office but too warm once outside.

 

The umbrella she tucked under her arm on her way out a few minutes to two was red, the only color she was wearing that day she realized.

 

Sarek was waiting for her, dressed as always in sweeping black robes, wide pointed sleeves made up of complex geometric folds.  

 

"Doctor Grayson." Sarek held up a hand in that strange Vulcan greeting.

 

"Amanda." She said not sure how to greet him in return and settling for a smile, "just Amanda."

 

He frowned, "If I may permit, that hardly seems appropriate."

 

"Still," She said, "it feels strange for you to continue to call me Doctor."

 

It began to rain, a light shower that felt cool against Amanda's face. She opened her umbrella noting the black umbrella Sarek carried under one arm.

 

"You can share mine." She offered, "It's plenty big enough."

 

"That would not be appropriate." Sarek told her and opened his own umbrella.

 

Amanda thought it would have been fine but she only nodded and walked beside him down the street towards the coffee shop she always went to him.

 

The coffee shop was small, wooden tables, chairs, a gleaming black marble counter top and a display case of baked goods. The shop had large windows, potted plants and looked very antique. It had been created, Amanda had been told once, to look like the way coffee shops had been back when they had been popular before replicators.

 

Syd was working behind the counter, red hair pulled back from her face. She smiled at Amanda. "The usual Professor?" She asked.

 

"Yes," Amanda smiled back "and a chocolate biscotti."  

 

"And what about you sir?" Syd turned to Sarek.

 

Sarek seemed a little taken aback and unsure so Amanda touched his arm briefly and then pointed to the clear display boards floating behind the counter with the list of teas on it in cheery multicolored letters.

 

"A green tea." Sarek said after a considering moment.

 

"Anything else?" Syd asked while tapping their order into the computer screen sunken into the counter.

 

"I believe that will be all." Sarek folded his hands in front of him.

 

Amanda handed over her credit chip before Sarek could.

 

Syd scanned her chip, handed it back to her and began bustling around behind the counter, manipulating the machines with practiced ease.

 

"Here you two go." She slid their cups across the counter, with Amanda's biscotti on a small plate. Sarek's tea cup was slim, and tall black ceramic. While Amanda's coffee was in a wide white ceramic cup with wisps of aerated milk on top, just how she liked it. She wrapped her fingers around the warm cup and wondered if they were being made fun of.

 

"Thank you." Syd smiled at her, friendly without even a hint of teasing so Amanda smiled back and turned towards the tables that sat beside the tall shop windows.

 

She sat on one side of the small table and Sarek at at the other. He set his tea cup down in front of him with the same measured resistance with which he seemed to do everything and looked up at her.

 

"You stated during our previous conversation on that matter that you would instruct me in more detail on the mathematical theories behind the presentation you and your colleagues gave." He said without any trace of discomfort when speaking of his own lack of knowledge.

 

She had spent far too much time among human academics she realized most of who would rather die than admit to not knowing something. His honesty and candor was more than refreshing.

 

"All right." She leaned forward elbows on the table in a way Sarek probably did not think was proper. "Where would you like to start?"

 

He cocked his head a little "wherever you think is the most logical place to begin."

 

"I'll just go over what we covered in the presentation then, but break it down more. If I'm spending too much time on something you already understand or you need more details just let me know." She launched into what had been covered during their presentation to the Vulcan's slipping easily into lecture mode. She tried to keep things simple and as clear as possible the same way she did when lecturing to undergraduates or tutoring one on one.

 

Sarek listened, serious and attentive, long fingers wrapped around his tea cup from which steam still gently rose. His gaze never left her, the full focus of his mind trained one what it was she was saying.

 

There was a certain kind of student Amanda had encountered, brilliant in every sense of the word but not used to thinking in mathematical terms. These kinds of students didn't need the information to be simplified as much as re-articulated into a language they could more easily understand. She felt intuitively that Sarek was like this and began to tailor her explanations accordingly.

 

The more she spoke the more her hands moved, slowly across the space between them. It was as if she was tracing the shapes of the numbers and concepts, giving her ideas form through the movement of her hands across the table top and then the air between them.

 

Amanda almost always manipulated numbers, formulas, equations and expressions across three dimensional projector screens as she lectured. Talking now without anything to write or type on was surprisingly frustrating not to have anyway to really show him how the numbers looked, the way they danced and flowed into something both beautifully complex and unerringly simple. She made a mental note to bring a PADD to write on if they did this again.

 

"I think," He said when she paused to collect her thoughts "I understand, please clarify your points regarding the ability of these portions of space to as you say 'bend'."

 

"They don't really, that's the thing." Amanda found herself tracing numbers across the surface of the table and really wished she had something to write or draw on. It was so hard to express in words what number could expression so much better and with far more elegance. He would appreciate that, she was suddenly sure, even if he did not truly understand it. He seemed like the kind of man who appreciated elegant things.

 

That thought made her cheeks heat. It made her uncomfortably aware of how she must look, sitting here, in her plain practical clothes, buzzed hair and too large, too old glasses. She hadn't even put makeup on today because she never ordinarily wore any and it hadn't occurred to her to make an exception this morning. She'd asked him out for coffee, all but flirting with him at the same time. Yet their entire time here they had only spoken of her work, and her research.  

 

He was good looking in his own tall, slim and slightly awkward way.

 

And she knew what men expected on dates like this, what they thought when they looked at women like her. Plain, unremarkable, academic women. She disliked above all else being thought of as a stereotype and dropped her gaze to the tabletop, trying not to scowl at herself more than him.

 

"Doctor Grayson."

 

She looked up at the sound of his voice.

 

"Have I caused offense?" He was frowning as if trying to figure out what lined he'd crossed without knowing it.

 

"No." She shook her head trying to put any insecurities out of her mind. A talk with a colleague over coffee was something she was much more used to and it was easier to think of this in those terms, probably better for the both of them if she did. "No, it's nothing you're fine. Here let me explain about this works. When I say bending, I am not talking about it in the physical sense, the way light bends or the way you might bend a solid." She dropped back into her lecture, hand beginning to move once more and Sarek sat forward slightly in his chair.

 

"My thanks." He said when they were finished, their dishes cleared away and were standing back out on the street again. He inclined his head to her a little, the movement made slightly awkward by both of their umbrellas. "For your time and consideration Doctor."

 

"It was nothing." She said because it hadn't been, it had been pleasant really. "We should do it again."

 

"Indeed." He held up his hand in farewell. "Until then, be well."

 

"And you."

 

He acknowledge that, then turned, headed down the street towards Starfleet and the Federation administration buildings. She watched his long dark form for several moment and then hailed a cab to take her back to the university.

 

V.

The Vulcan embassy was kept much warmer than Amanda was comfortable with, hot enough to make sweat break out along her arms and the back of her neck. Outside she'd noted that Vulcans seemed to be fond of slightly pointed domes which was an interesting touch and made the building stand out among the blocky lines of the other Federation buildings.   

 

The air is dry, the inside of the buildings a little dark, made out of assure polished stone. There were some long, tall windows to let in sunlight, although as far as should could tell the natural light was the only illumination.

 

She had been met outside the Embassy complex by a Vulcan who appeared to be even younger than Sarek in a neat, somber, Vulcan style suit. He'd led the way through the courtyard and into the building, through a maze of halls, through which people sometimes moved silently and without seeming to acknowledge each other. He stopped in front of a low stone bench, just under one of the tall narrow windows.  

 

"Wait here Doctor Grayson." He nodded to her in a way which was not unfriendly but very Vulcan before heading smoothly further down the hall and around a corner.

 

Somewhere a door opened and closed. Amanda sighed and sat on the bench, putting her satchel down by her feet. Sarek's message, inviting her here, had come last minute, so much so she hadn't had time to run back to her apartment. She'd almost not come at all but it had been a couple weeks since their last meeting and she'd not wanted to waist this lull in both their busy schedules. She was dressed in jeans though, a men's blue Oxford button up shirt, rolled up the elbows, and her oldest pair of Converses. Not really fit for a lunch date, not even with a colleague and friend let alone the Vulcan Ambassador, who was, well ...   

 

There sound of footsteps coming back down the hall and Amanda looked up, feeling a moment of relief at seeing Sarek. He looked as he always did in dark Vulcan robes, his dark hair carefully ordered, his expression serious. In his hands he carried two covered containers. The containers looked very similar to the kind the university's faculty cafeteria provided for those who wished to take their replicated food and eat some place else.  

 

"I am sorry we can not meet over shared beverages as we did two weeks ago." He said stopping in front of her in the wall. "My work has kept me busy, I would however find your company over lunch more than acceptable."

 

"Well then." She patted the space beside her on the bench, "sit, unless you were planning for us to go out and eat."

 

"I do not have the time." Sarek sat and handed her one of the containers and a fork, made out of the same replicated biodegradable materials as the container. "I was unsure what to replicate for you." He said as she pried off the lid "If it is unpalatable for you I will have something else fetched."

 

It seemed to be some sort of cold salad dish, made out of what Amanda assumed was shredded vegetables marinated in some kind of dressing. She took a tiny bit onto her fork and tried it. The dressing was both tangy and sweet on her tongue the vegetables or whatever had been shredded to make the salad completely unobtrusive in taste.

 

"It's fine."  She took another large bite. Sarek nodded and removed the lid of his own contained to reveal that he'd gotten the same thing for himself.

 

They sat and ate in a sort of companionable quiet. With anyone else it would have been awkward, not that Amanda minded the lack of conversation when there was nothing of importance or substance to be said but most humans chafed under that sort of silence. Sarek however seemed to simply accept it for what it was without judgement and Amanda found herself grateful.

 

"Your research progresses?" Sarek asked when he had finished his lunch and set the empty container aside.

  
"It does." She stuffed the last of the salad into her mouth, not even trying for demure or ladylike since that had probably been a lost cause before they even met. "It is going fine, well in fact. Starfleet has taken an interest in some of the theorems I am working on now and their possible engineering applications."

 

"And will you work with Starfleet on these possible applications?" Sarek wondered as if he was genuinely interested to know the answer.

 

"Possibly." Amanda set the now empty container on the floor next to her feet, and then remained leaning forward elbows resting on her knees hands clasped between her legs. "I would like to work with Starfleet engineers it's true, but I'm not thrilled by the idea of working for Starfleet. I don't like how they tend to only throw their weight behind projects that have some application to them and neglect the more theoretical sciences."

 

"Is that where your skills lie, in the theoretical sciences?"

 

Amanda laughed, hand going up to running across her close cropped hair "that's where my passion is although I can certainly do applied mathematics and find it sometimes interesting."

 

"What is the purpose of theory without application?"

  
It was the kind of question that when it came from her colleagues, students or some smug Starfleet official made her want to scream. When he said it though Sarek seemed to be genuinely trying to work through something he was not equipped to understand. _Vulcans_ , she reminded herself and smiled at him instead.

 

"What is the point of anything beautiful, and wonderful and impossible to understand?" She said. "If we know all the answers to all the mysteries than what is the purpose of life?"

 

"And yet you go looking for them anyway."

 

They sat and stared at each other for a long moment while Amanda counted each breath, each heartbeat.

 

"And your work?" She finally asked when their silence had reach the point where she would either need to continue the conversation or kiss him senseless.

 

Sarek folded his hands in his lap. "Focused much more on the understandable than yours. It progresses acceptably. I learn more about how best to navigate needs of both Earth and Vulcan every day but there is still much to know and do."

 

"How long have you been here, on Earth?" It was something she had been wondering but had as yet not figured out.

 

"Almost six months, as they are measured here."

 

It wasn't very long, especially for someone still adjusting to life on a new planet and taking over such a major position. Had Sarek ever been a Vulcan ambassador before? Was this his first post? Certainly a post to Earth would be both easier and harder than many others. She eyed him again, trying to figure out how old he was and how much experience he might have. The way he spoke of his job here made her think if this was not his first post than close to it. In some ways she found that reassuring.     

 

"Well I think all things considered you are doing amazingly well at it."

 

He looked as surprised as it was possible for a Vulcan to look for such a brief moment she almost misted it and then inclined his head to her. "My thanks."

 

She hadn't thought he would understand that kind of gesture much less acknowledge it and smiled back at him. "You are very welcome Sarek."

 

Someone cleared their throat ever so slightly and both looked up to see and older female Vulcan, dressed in grey robes instead of Sarek's severe black.

 

"Sarek" She said in a voice of someone used to giving order and being obeyed without question "we have twenty, point two minutes to prepared for our meeting with the Admiral. Your presence is required."

 

"Of course." He stood, picking back up his empty lunch container, hesitated for an almost indiscernible moment and then picked up Amanda's as well, stacking them together again.  "Until later Doctor Grayson." He balanced the containers in the crook of his arm to offer her the Vulcan sign of farewell. "Be well."

 

"And you." She said again, standing reaching for her satchel, keenly aware of the older Vulcan woman's gaze locked on her every movement.

 

"Sarek." The woman said again command and summons ringing through every letter of his name. She turned and headed down the hall and he followed after without comment.

 

As with their last two meetings Amanda watched him go. He did not look back. Not even once, all the way down the hall and around the corner. She was not sure why she expected him to.

 

VI.

In the end she did what was practical — logical really — and took the position Starfleet offered her.

 

The position came with benefits, but also certain drawbacks like attending a select few Starfleet events. Accordingly she acquired a new, well tailored suit, she thought looked quite striking on her.

 

Luckily none of the events were particularly important, the first being a large reception, celebrating Starfleet and the Federation's scientific accomplishments.

 

She was seated at a table with five other scientists known of whom she had ever met. Speakers came up to the stage with a podium on it at the front of the room and gave what felt like a never ending series of speeches. Most of them about the greatness of the Federation and teamwork among species and other things that sounded too much like propaganda and posturing for Amanda's liking.  They did provide wine though and the food was good which made made the whole event slightly more tolerable.

 

Of course she'd notice Sarek right away when she'd entered the large event hall in one of the main Federation administration buildings. He was seated much closer to the front than she was though at a table that if she was to guess was made up of mostly Vulcan scientists, some of who she even recognized, if only from holovids of their lectures.  

 

After her second glass of wine she gave up even pretending to listen to the speakers and watched Sarek instead. He was attentive to the speeches of course, eyes firmly focused on the stage, hands folded neatly in his lap. He was wearing a slightly more ornate set of robes than the ones she had seen him, still black but accented with some kind of silver markings. She wondered if they indicated his position at the Embassy. Mostly likely, it seemed after all more logical than if they were merely decorative.

 

And Sarek managed to be decorative all on his own. Especially at the angle she was viewing him, which made his features look more regal in a severe sort of way than pointed and awkward as they were sometimes want when viewed full on. He would age well, she thought taking another sip of wine, fill out slightly and become broader. Not that he was in any way unappealing now, just not traditionally handsome by human standards. But than traditional wasn't something Amanda lost much sleep over.

 

The Starfleet Admiral or whoever was speaking droned on filling the air but saying practically nothing. She wondered what Sarek was getting out of this, was he learning; how best to talk to Starfleet brass? What issues were important to them? What phrases and keywords would make them agree with whatever he was proposing with the minimal amount of fuss?

 

Was that was Sarek did with his day? She tipped her glass back and took another sip. Or was he not high ranking enough? Somehow though she thought he was. It was in the way he sat, the cut of his clothes and the way the other Vulcan's looked at him.

 

The Admiral finally stepped away from the podium and the human's applauded. He was the last so  everyone was free to stand and mingle. Amanda considered going over to Sarek but he was engaged in conversation almost immediately by the slight, grey haired woman in a Starfleet dress uniform.

 

She remained where she was and finished off her glass of wine. Maybe she should just leave. They would see each other again eventually when their schedules allowed. This might not be the time or place to approach him. He was no doubt working and might very well wish to keep his diplomatic and social lives separate. Staying, if she was not going to speak with Sarek, was not something she was interested in doing. She made a mental note to message him within the next few days and arrange another meeting as she gathered up her things.

 

"Doctor."

 

She turned to find Sarek a few paces away.

 

"Sarek, I'm glad to see you." She inclined her head in what was not a bad imitation of Sarek himself.

 

"You decided to take Starfleet's offer I see." He folded his hands into his sleeves, still regarding her with that intense and complete focus she found so fascinating.

 

"I did, yes." She gave him a small rueful smile "practicality won over passion I'm afraid."

 

He didn't say anything to that but then she didn't expect him to.  "You are preparing to depart." He said finally.

 

"I am," She looked down at her satchel.

 

"I would walk with you, if you would allow it." He said, "did you come by ground car or public transport?"

 

"Ground car." She blinked at him in surprise "but really you don't …"

 

"No." He told her "I do not, but I would speak with you further and you wish to leave the reception, therefore it is logical that we combine the two."

 

It occurred to her that maybe Sarek was in fact as desperate to leave as she was. "All right then" She nodded towards the doors and the both headed in that direction.

 

She hesitated in the entryway. It was probably a mistake but the several glasses of wine in her system made her not much care, so she offered her arm.

 

He regarded her for a moment and then took her offered arm, linking theirs together in what was far more physical an act then she had yet to see two Vulcan's share.

 

"Shall we?" She gestured to the door with what was probably too grand a flourish for them leaving the building to head to the parking lot.

 

Serak inclined his head "Indeed."

 

Her ground car was not parked close since she hardly counted for priority parking. Arm in arm they headed across the expanse of lot.

 

"You said you wished to speak with me further." She said.

 

"That is correct. I understand that your time is limited and therefore you must prioritized however I have recently been informed that I will be working closely with a Vulcan scientist whose work you may be already familiar with — T'Lak."

 

"The physicist? Yes I do know of her work, especially her work on time-space folding." Amanda paused to look up at Sarek. "So she'll be coming to Earth?"

 

"Yes."  Sarek said "and I would ask if it would be possible for you to go over her latest published article with me. It may be of some importance that I understand the details of her work and in this area your knowledge far exceeds my own."

 

Her ground car was up ahead of them and Amanda stopped in front of it and unlinked their arms so she could turn towards Sarek and face him fully.

 

"Yes, I can go over it with you." She said "in fact I would enjoy that, but Sarek … " She took a breath, the wine she'd drunk singing in her blood.

 

He could have found someone else to do this, he could have stayed in the reception which no doubt would have in fact been far more logical a choice. He'd done neither, he'd come to her.

 

"You could have asked anyone for this favor."

 

"We already know one another, you have knowledge that I lack," He said "It seemed the most practical choice."

 

She took two steps towards him, closer than what was proper. "Sarek …"

 

"Doctor Grayson." He caught her wrists in his hands. "You are slightly intoxicated. I would be improper for me to assume any kind of serious intent behind anything that you do or say, or contemplate doing or saying in such a state. Further I am betrothed to another."

 

Amanda froze as her mind came to grips with the fact that Sarek was, in his own way, letting her down gently. "I'm sorry for overstepping." Her voice came out stiffer and more formal than she would have liked "I didn't know."

 

He frowned at that "There is no reason to apologize, as you said, you did not have all the facts."

 

"Well then I'm sorry for acting without first acquiring all the facts."

 

"You took a calculated risk." He let go of her risks and she took several steps back until she was leaning against the side of her ground car. "It was a reasonable course of action given the information that you had."

 

She laughed a little "reasonable …" His hands had been hot against the fragile skin of her wrists were they weren't covered by the cloth of her shirt, and suit jacket. She fancied she could still feel some of that heat.

 

Sarek's head lowered "Given other circumstances the outcome may have been very different. However." His shoulders straightened against head coming up "It is illogical to dwell on such possibilities. Good night. Doctor Grayson" He raised one hand to her "Be well."

 

"And you." Her lips felt numb even as her wrists still burned where he'd held her.

 

He turned away and walked back across the parking lot towards the Federation administration building as she watched.

 

As ever he did not turned and look back and as she got into her ground car, and started the engine, neither did she.

 

VII.

 

She expected it to be unbearably awkward between the two of them. In a way it was, but really they hadn't been close enough for long enough, and Sarek had in fact stopped her before she could do or say anything too embarrassing.

 

It took all her willpower not to squirm though their first coffee and tea together after the reception. After that though things settle down into the way they had been before she had almost acted.

 

She should have known she supposes, watching him bend a little to take a sip of variety of Vulcan tea. He was beautiful, intelligent, important, not as young as she had originally believed him to be, so of course he would already be spoken for.

 

They were though, slowly becoming good friends and that was what matters.

 

The weather started to become cooler and Amanda let her hair grow down to touch the tops of her ears.

 

"I am giving a lecture on the work I've been doing with Starfleet." She told him, sitting across from him in the only restaurant in San Francisco that specialized in Vulcan cuisine. "I thought it might interest you to see my theories in application and I would like for you to be there."

 

"I will inquire with my aide as to my availability during that time." Sarek said, taking another sip of his soup. "I should inform you that I will be off planet for no less than ten standard days, I will contact you when I return back to Earth."

 

"Thank you." Amanda said, she wanted to ask what he would be doing off planet but perhaps he couldn't speak of political matters with her.

 

"I will be traveling to Space Station Bravo Delta to discuss the program to build deep space station for scientific research." Sarek offered her without prompting. "There has been some … disagreements between Starfleet and the Vulcan High Council regarding this plan and I have been asked to attend several meetings regarding this matter."

 

She tried to imagine what it would be like to do what Sarek did and try to represent the interests of Vulcan while not alienating the Starfleet higher-ups. He seemed to Vulcan, too logical to really be able to understand what motivated humans much less human politicians and Starfleet Admirals. Yet he must and there was something about the way he listens carefully and without comment that had put her at ease since the very beginning. Perhaps he put everyone at ease just as easily.

 

"I hope it goes well for you then." She said, "and whatever the issues are they get worked out." She didn't know anything about the issues but as far as she could tell the possibility for more deep space research could only be a good thing.

 

Sarek inclined his head ever so slightly in acknowledgement.

 

"What do you do when you're not working or speaking with me?" She asked because she'd been interesting for a while now in what filled Sarek's days sides from work. She hoped he did not view the questions as prying.

 

A server glide soundlessly to their table and removed their dishes setting a cup of tea in front of each of them to finish of their meal. Amanda knew from experience that the tea and slight in flavor if bitter and meant to cleanse the palate and aid in digestion.

 

Sarek waited until the serve had moved off again before looking back at her. "I read a great deal. Vulcan literature mostly." As always he was honest and direct and if he thought the question was inappropriate he did not show it. If he had in fact found it inappropriate Amanda was sure he would not have answered. "And you Doctor?"

 

"Call me Amanda." She said and when his brows furrowed and he opened his mouth she held up one hand "Or if that is not appropriate just Grayson perhaps?"

 

He didn't answer, eyebrows still pinched in a little frown.

 

"I read too." She said "and play the cello."

 

Sarek's eyebrows shot up and until that moment she'd not thought he could be surprised. "Indeed." He leaned forward slightly "I have only ever heard the cello played on recordings, for how long have you played?"

 

"Since I was a child." She hesitated, it wasn't something she talked about often, it felt too private and too fragile. "I studied music composition as an undergraduate and thought about doing my graduate studies in it as well, but mathematics and physics ended up winning out."  

 

"Why did you not pursue music?" steepled his fingers together in front him of him, ignoring his tea completely, seeming fascinated by what she had to say.

 

Amanda took a breath. She didn't have to talk about this, she could tell him it was private and she had no doubt Sarek would respect that without question. "I love physics and mathematics. Obviously I do, you don't get two PhDs in fields you don't love. But I love music as well, playing, and writing is. Composition after all is extremely mathematical. My father though did not encourage me to pursue music." She looked down at her hands traced the calluses on her fingertips from the press of the bow. "He thought there was no future for me in the arts."

 

Given that she was now a well respected and comfortably positioned academic maybe he had been right. She had been passionate about mathematics, still was but her decision to focus her studies in that area had also been practical and strategical.

 

"My grandfather was the Vulcan Ambassador to Earth." Sarek said, laying his hands, gently, carefully on the tabletop before him and looking down at them for a long moment. There was a certain weight to his words, as if this statement of fact was somehow deeply meaningful to the conversation at hand and Amanda watched him carefully. "It was seen as logical that I should follow that same path."

 

It was seen as logical, but maybe not by Sarek, or perhaps Sarek had indeed seen the logic to it but had at one point wished to choose his own path.

 

"You are extremely good at what you do." She said.

 

He acknowledged that, ever gracious, in his own way. "As are you."

 

They watched each other for a long moment.

 

Sarek folded those long fingered, elegant hands around the tiny, fragile cup of tea and lifted it to take a sip.

 

Amanda looked away feeling like they'd come to a certain kind of understanding.

 

VII.   

 

"Are you close with Ambassador Serak, Doctor Grayson?"

 

She turned surprised, arms laden down with PADDs and files. She didn't recognized the women in front of her, dark skinned, braided hair starting to go grey. She wore a Starfleet uniform but that she was also high ranking was clear.    

 

"The Ambassador and I are friends." Amanda said, "we have lunch on occasion and he asked after my research. He is looking to broaden his knowledge of theoretical physics and mathematics, I understand."  

 

The Captain? — Admiral maybe?, Amanda was not familiar enough with the insignia the woman wore to know, pursed her lips. "He requested permission to have you accompany him to Space Station Bravo Delta, you know."

 

Amanda blinked several times "No, I didn't know, in fact I had no idea at all. Why?"

 

The woman gave her a long look, "that's what we would like to know."

 

Amanda shifted, some of the PADDs in the stack she was holding sliding treacherously in her grip. "As I said, I have no idea why he would, but I would suggest if  you are interested to ask the Ambassador once he gets back. It's been my experience that he hardly ever lies."

 

They stared at each other, the older woman's gaze was hard as stone but Amanda swore she would not be the first to look away. Let them think what they wanted, she thought. Let them do background checks and dig in to her life, they wouldn't find anything. She was what she said she was, a mathematician who taught classes, conducted research and was more likely to stay in with a glass of wine and play the cello on a Friday night.

 

Whatever Starfleet was up to she wanted no part in it. Whatever Sarek was up to — well, she was damn well going to have words with him when he got back.

 

"Have a good day, Doctor Grayson." The woman said finally turning away from Amanda,"And stay on Earth for a while if you don't mind."

 

VIII.

As soon as she got the message from Sarek's aide she contacted him back.

 

_We need to meet at your earliest convenience._

 

Sarek messaged her back personally, so quickly that she suspected he was bypassing his aide all together and having her messages forwards directly to him.

 

_Of course, I will be free to meet with you at 19:00 hours, here at the Embassy room 214 ._

 

She blinked, so soon, she had expected to be put off for another few days while he tried to fit her into his schedule. Perhaps she had made her message sound too urgent, although the sooner they had this talk the better.

 

She was a civilian, he was a professional, he should have been able to keep her out of this — whatever this was — instead of thrusting her into it without explanation or warning.

 

The sun was already starting to sink towards the horizon when she pulled her ground car up to the Vulcan Embassy complex. Once again there was a young Vulcan waiting for her, female this time, who guided her through the gates and across the courtyard to the pain building and through the maze of halls. They went up several floors and then down a hall Amanda recognized as the one where they'd eaten lunch.

 

Her Vulcan guide didn't pause though, instead led her past the bench they'd sat on, down the hall and around the corners. There was another, equally silent hall now, this one lined with doors on both sides.

 

The young Vulcan nodded to one from a few paces away from it. "Ambassador Sarek will speak with you." She turned away from Amanda and headed down the hall the way they had come.

 

It was a good thing Sarek had thought to arrange a guide for her, Amanda thought. The doors to what she could only assume were offices were in fact numbered but in Vulcan, a numerical system she was less than familiar with. The door slid open as she approached it and she stepped through into Sarek's office.

 

It was … she didn't want to say imposing but it was that.

 

Large, with a high ceiling and those tall narrow windows, two of them behind the desk. The desk itself was a massive thing while still managing not to be pretentious, there was one of those narrow chairs in front of the desk and another behind it. Several computer displays on the walls and a computer monitor built into the desk with a neat pile of PADDs beside it.

 

That was all. Almost baron in its simplicity.

 

Amanda moved across the space towards the desk where Sarek sat, studying something on his computer monitor. He was dressed much as he always was in heavy somber robes, but he wore the silver insignia he'd worn at the reception and a heavy almost ornate collar around his neck and shoulders.

 

He'd been dressing down for their meetings, all these months. That in and of itself was fascinating.

 

He looked away from the monitor when he was finished with whatever task had been occupying his attention and up at her. He looked tired, at the restaurant he had told her he would be gone for no less than ten days and in truth it had been twice that. There was lines of strain around his mouth and dark smudges under his eyes.

 

"Doctor Grayson." He rose and gestured to the chair in front of his desk.

 

She didn't correct him nor did she sit.

 

"I have been informed that you asked me to accompany you to Space Station Bravo Delta." She cut straight to the chase, no need mincing words, not with him. "On top of that Starfleet seems to think I have taken sides in whatever political maneuvering has been going on between them and the Vulcan. No." She clenched her hands and paced because otherwise she would have been tempted to thump a fist against the top of his, oh so imposing, desk. "Let me tell you what they probably think. They think that we are having an affair and somehow you have convinced me to leak secrets, or data or something that will give the Vulcans the upper hand in whatever this is going on between Starfleet brass and the Vulcan High Council. They are no doubt running an even more thorough background check on me as we speak and scrutinizing every time we have ever met, everything we have ever said to each other, and drawing God only knows what conclusions. And all over something I don't even know." She spun to face him and glared hard. "Why Sarek? Why me? Why is always me?"

 

His eyebrows had drawn together and down, and he stood very still, hands folded into his sleeves.

 

"A part of this." He said obviously choosing his words carefully although whether to defuse her or work within the constraints of confidentiality she didn't know.  "Has much to do with research that has already been done by the Vulcan Science Academy during their own deep space explorations. I am not familiar with this research nor do I have the skill to converse in depth with those who are. Therefore it seems logical and appropriate that I should be accompanied by someone who could."

 

Amanda shook her head "and you didn't think maybe a Starfleet officer might be the better choice? For a situation where Starfleet is already feeling pitted against the Vulcan High Council, a body you represent? It doesn't look bad to you, Ambassador, to bring an outsider into such a politically fraught situation, especially a stranger you have hand picked, someone already close to you?

 

"I have worked with you before. You have proven yourself fair, capable and level headed. You are able to converse articulately with those from many different backgrounds. You are human but have a history of working well with Vulcans. And if anything the fact that you owe allegiance to neither the Vulcan High Council nor Starfleet made you a more than acceptable judge of what scientific subjects would be worth attention. For all these reasons you were the logical choice.Which I explained in depth when I requested permission to have you accompany me."   

 

"Why didn't you tell me you'd ask for me to come along?" Amanda  finally made herself sit and Sarek sat too.

 

"I saw no need once Starfleet had rejected my request."

 

"It would have been nice to know what exactly was going on when a high ranking office started questioning me about my interest in Space Station Bravo Delta." Amanda spread out her hand. "Especially since I have no interest in any of it."

 

"An oversight, for which I apologize."

 

"Don't do it again Sarek."

 

He inclined his head. "If there has been any damage done to your professional or personal reputation because of my actions I will of course do everything I can to rectify the situation."

 

She sighed and sat back, crossing her arms over her chest. "I like you Sarek." She said plainly. "I like the times that we share, and our conversations. I value your time and your opinion greatly. But I'm not your lover, or your wife, or even your partner, and that means there needs to be lines we do not cross. Don't make this something you can not allow it to be."

 

His brows furrowed again at that "if you were my lover than would my handling of the situation have been acceptable?"

 

"No." She said, "but it would have made your wanting me to be there more understandable for Starfleet and for me."

 

"I have assured them my choice was based on logic nothing more. However." He bent his head. "I have clearly overstepped, as you say, I a line which is important to you. I will attempt to be more careful in future."

 

"I would appreciate it."

 

They stared at each other and once again she was struck by how tired he looked, and it was late. She should probably leave and let him get back to his apartment.

 

"I should let you get on with your evening." She stood and so did he.

 

"I will summon someone to escort you back to your ground car."

 

"If you think it's necessary." She folded her hands in front of her while he pressed a button on his desk. After a moment the door behind them hissed open revealing the young woman who had brought her there.

 

"Be well." Sarek said raising one hand to her in farewell.

 

"And you."

 

Amanda turned away towards the door where her guide waited.

 

This time it was she who didn't look back.

 

IX.

He was there at her lecture although she thought he might not come. He was wearing simple robes again, some sort of tight black high collared shirt, with a deeply v-necked looser robe on top. He sits in the back, quiet and attentive.

 

Some of the others, students, scientists, and Starfleet officers, raised their hands trying to ask questions before the presentation was over. She ignored them, there would be time for question and answer after she is finished.

 

Sarek of course did not even attempt to interrupt her in such a fashion. Instead he sat quietly, near the back of the hall, and listened attentively to her every word, tilts his head slightly to better watch her manipulate her three dimensional projections of mathematical equations and expressions.

 

In his simple clothes, he could have been a visit scientists or, with how little his face showed his age, maybe even a student.

 

When she's finished she stood at the podium in front of the room and took questions. A flurry of hands went up, people jostling each other for a chance to stand and speak.

 

If Sarek had a question or comment he didn't raise his hand and move to stand, only continued to observe. She was conscious of that, of his intense gaze on her, even as she focused on the questions she is being asked and the best possible way to answer.

 

When the question and answer period was over and people were moving, milling about and gather up their things, Sarek stood and made his way down to the front of the lecture hall.

 

"Sarek." She turned from where she'd been sliding her stack of PADDs back into her satchel. "I didn't think you would come."

 

"Should I not have?" His brows drew together.

 

"No, I'm glad you did." She smiled at him, extending the olive branch since she had meant it when she said she valued the time they spent together.   

 

"There is something I would speak to you about." He said his tone is flat and emotionless as ever but there is something in the way he phrased it that made her stop and look at him hard.

 

"Give me a few minutes and we can go back to my office." She said and then turned to where a grey haired man in Starfleet engineers' uniform who had been waiting patiently for her attention.

 

After she got done talking to the engineer, Mr. Boyer, his handshake firm; large callused hand gripping hers. Then there was also her two most attentive graduate advisees. She answered them as best she could given the setting and Sarek still hovering in the background. She then scheduled appointment for both of them separately to come in and talk about it.

 

Finally she turned back to him. "Ambassador Sarek if you would follow me?"

 

He nodded and did so following her out of the lecture hall and down a corridor to one of the universities turbolifts. They ascended two floors in silence and then Amanda led the way down another tiled hall and wiped her palm across the lock next to her office door.

 

Her office was certainly smaller than his. A square window behind her own desk with a large potted rubber tree sitting on the floor next to it, valiantly trying to push towards the ceiling. She had an old battered couch for her students to sit on by the door. The couch was a hideous burnt orange color made only slightly less eye-searing by the crocheted afghan in green and white her grandmother had made for her, back when she'd been in graduate school trying to live off barely enough funding to keep a roof over her head.

 

The wall on her left was a mass of data banks and computer screens some of which projected a never ending calculations in blue light across her desk and into the center of the room. The wall to her right was covered floor to ceiling in bookcases each shelf crammed with a combination of antique books and stacks of PADDs. What little self space remained housed her collection of three dimensional geometric figures, more of which sat on her desk next to her computer console.

 

To her eyes it now looked cramped and cluttered next to the memory of Sarek's large spartanly furnished space. Yet there was nothing here asides from the couch and the plant that was not functional in its own way. She unlooped her satchel from over her shoulder and dropped it by her desk, before going around to sit. With a wave of her hand she dismissed the projected images of her calculations which were blocking her view of him.

 

"Sit."

 

He glanced at the couch, raised one long eyebrow and folded his hands into his sleeves.  "I will stand."

 

It would be amusing she thought, to see him perched on her old and hideous couch but she didn't push it. Instead she folded her hands on the desk in front of her. "You wanted to talk to me about something?"

 

"I will be leaving Earth." He said tone measured, quiet and grave.

  
"Again? Where to this time? If you're free to say."

 

"Vulcan." He said still in that too measured voice. "The time has come for me to be bonded to my betrothed. The Vulcan High Council has yet to inform me whether I will be returning to Earth or be posted elsewhere once my personal affairs have been acceptably arranged."

 

On Vulcan bonding was marriage and more, a cultural imperative that would sustain a Vulcan through their life. Even human children were taught this much.

 

Amanda stared straight ahead not knowing what to say.

 

"There is a high likelihood that I will not be posted here again." Sarek said  "T'Rei, she who will be my wife, teaches at the ShiKahr Academy and it would be logical for me to remain on Vulcan until after the birth of our first child."

 

She wanted him to stop talking, stop telling her thing she didn't want to hear. It was cruel, to make her hear this, but maybe even after his time among humans — over a year now — Sarek wouldn't understand that. After all there was no logic in the way his simple statement of fact could cut her like a knife.

 

"When ..." She licked her lips, mouth gone dry, before forcing the words out "when are you leaving?"

 

"In two standard days."

 

She wanted to see understanding in his eyes or maybe some sign that she was not the only one hurt by this but of course there was neither.

 

"May I come," She asked, "when you leave, to wish you farewell?"

 

"Of course." He inclined his head to her. "If you come to the Vulcan Embassy at 07:00 hours I will meet with you than."

 

"Thank you."

 

Maybe it would be better if she didn't come, maybe it would be best for this to be their final leave taking, but she couldn't bare that.

 

"Until then Doctor Grayson." He nodded one last time to her and turned towards the door.

 

She sat and stared at the place where he had been for a long time after he left. Every nerve felt raw, every emotion too intense and too personal, all fighting for space inside her chest. She had never stopped wanting him even after she knew she would never have him. More than that though, he was a friend, someone with who she could spend a quiet moment. She thought about the way he bent over a teacup, listened as if what she had to say was more important than all the treats he would ever negotiate, accepted what she was without judgement, met her on her own terms time and time again. Without that …

 

Turning her chair to face the window and tried not to think about it.

 

X.

They met for the last time when the sun was just starting to rise, turning the edges of the sky pink, leaving the rest pale grey and cloud blown.

 

A mist had crept up off the harbor and clung Amanda's legs as she got out of her ground car.

 

Unlike the other times she had been to the Embassy it was Sarek who met her in the courtyard in front of the building proper.

 

As always he was dressed, plain but neat, in somber black. Again there were dark smudges under his eyes that made her think he wasn't getting enough sleep.

 

"You depart soon?" She asked, stuffing her hands into the lightweight peacoat she wore against the cool early morning air.

 

"Soon." He agreed.

 

"I'll miss you, miss our conversations and our coffee." It was the truth as she knew it and he would respect that even if he did not understand.

 

"If your work should ever bring you to Vulcan —"

 

"Than I will remember to look you up and buy you tea." She tried to force a smile and probably failed.

 

He inclined his head "that would be very acceptable to me."

 

A slight breeze picked up carrying a chill of the water of the bay, bring with a fine misting rain. The cool wind ruffled through her hair and made him shiver so slightly if they hadn't been standing close she would have missed it.

 

She didn't know what to say to him, didn't know how to make this feel any less like a loss.

 

He raised his hand to her in the Vulcan sign of farewell. "Live long and prosper Doctor Grayson."

 

There was a certain finality to it that she realized he'd been avoiding in their earlier leave takings.

 

She raised her hand too, copying the gesture "Live long and prosper Ambassador Sarek."

 

He turned then and headed back towards the Embassy and as ever she watched him go.

 

As ever he did not look back.

 

XI.

If there was ever a night when she needed a drink it was this night.

 

The bar was small, dark and packed full of Starfleet cadets, some brave locals and a few officers who felt like slumming it.

 

Normally when she went out, which was rarely, she stuck to good bars, the kind that sold expensive wines, craft beers and liquor imported from off world.  

 

She didn't want nice tonight. She wanted cheap beer and someplace where she was guaranteed not to run into any colleagues.

 

The bar reminded her of the one in New Jersey she used to go to back the last time she'd been heart broken.

 

Her fiancee at the time had told her, she need to choose between him and his prestigious lawyer's job in New York City or a PhD. He'd told her flatly she couldn't have both.

 

The day she'd accepted Princeton's offer of admissions she'd come home to find all his things moved out of their apartment.

 

It hadn't been like that of course between her and Sarek of course, because they hadn't been together in that way but most importantly because Sarek wasn't like that.

 

"Hey."

 

She looked up just as someone slid into the seat beside her. The woman was short, but round, with wide hips and full bust, her dark hair was braided down her back. Her smile was wide and easy. She wore the uniform of the Starfleet Corps of Engineers. Her rank Amanda didn't know but most certainly not a cadet.

 

"Gayatri." She offered her hand and another easy smile.

 

"Amanda." Amanda took it and shook, Gayatri's grip was firm, her hand warm.

 

"What brings you here?" Gayatri reached for her own beer and Amanda noted that arm was synthetic, smooth sleek metal instead of dark skin. "You're not a cadet?"

 

Amanda shrugged and pressed her lips together tight and finished off her own too weak beer.

 

"Hey," Gayatri said again her voice pitched soft now, eyes gentle. "You're obviously having a hard night and I get that. So I'm more than willing to get you another beer or I can just push off and leave you to your thoughts. Either way, I'm fine with it. Just say the word."

 

Amanda considered that, she'd come here to be alone but now looking over at Gayatri maybe being alone wasn't such a good idea.

 

"I'd like another beer."

 

Gayatri grinned, full and open and stood taking both of their empty bottles with her.

 

Amanda noticed the way the groups of cadets between Gayatri and the bar parted for her, the younger people looking down or away, murmuring in respect as she passed.

 

"So what do you do Amanda?" Gayatri asked coming back and putting a fresh beer onto the table in front of her.

 

"I teach." Amanda rested her elbows on the tabletop and toyed with the bottle. "pure mathematics and theoretical physics. What do you do Gayatri?"

 

She got a cheeky smile for that, "I design warpcore engines." Gayatri leaned back in her chair hands resting on her thighs, seeing completely at ease. "Sometimes if I'm extra special lucky they even let me leave dry dock and go out in ships with the engines actually in them."

 

Amanda smiled despite herself and looked away from Gayatri's good-natured grin. "I've never been in space, except for once or twice visiting the Mars colony."

 

"You should try it sometime, although it's better if you have someplace you're actually going."

 

"I suppose that would be true." Amanda took another sip of beer.

 

"So you're not Starfleet?"

 

Amanda snorted at that. "No, I'm not. I work on special projects every once in a while but no. I'm not part of Starfleet."

 

"I thought if you were I would have seen you around, what do you concentrate on in particular?"

 

"Dark matter, wormholes, bending space." Amanda shrugged "That's at least what gets the most attention, I also do research around projective geometry but people tend to find that not as interesting."

 

"People tend to find engines not that interesting." Gayatri leaned her elbows on the table and her chin on her hands. "Tell me about it."

 

Amanda did, in detail, not really stopping to worry about whether or not Gayatri was bored by it. Her hands moved through the air as she spoke the alcohol helping the concepts and theories to flows more readily into words they they usually did. One beer led to another, and then another. Gayatri listened attentively, asked questions that were both intelligent and spoke to her own knowledge and training.

 

It was late by the time Amanda stopped, having run out of things to say.

 

"God, I don't know." She rubbed a hand across her face thinking that last beer had probably been a mistake.

 

"Maybe I should call you a cab." Gayatri touched her arm lightly and when Amanda nodded she tapped the comm band she wore on her wrist. "Probably about time for me to be calling it a night too. Any more beers for me and getting up tomorrow will be hell."

 

Amanda smiled in sympathy and stood. "Thank you."

 

"It was no problem. I liked it, it was fun." Gayatri stood as well and they headed out of the bar together.

 

Outside their separate cabs waited.

 

"We should do this again." Gayatri said looking back at Amanda. "maybe dinner if you'd like."

 

"Yeah." Amanda crossed her arms and leaned one shoulder against the hard outside wall of the bar.

 

"You free on Thursday at 17:00 hours?"

 

Amanda blinked "Yeah."

  
"Great you know know where the Green Jade Rice Bowl is?"

  
"I do." She'd been there once for a faculty dinner meeting, it had been nice without being too fancy or formal.

 

"Good." Gayatri crossed the space between them then. She was shorter than Amanda by about a head and smell of sandalwood and a little of beer. Amanda tilted her chin down a little to watch her and Gayatri smiled that slow, easy smile.

 

Her hands came up and Amanda wasn't sure what she'd expected but it was not to have her face cradled gently and his lips kissed, soft, tender and thorough. Her fingers clutched at the stiff fabric of Gayatri's uniform and then she was kissing back.

 

When Gayatri pulled away her hands dropped to hold both of Amanda's.

  
"If you want." Gayatri said, "it could be more than just dinner."

 

To her shame she thought of Sarek, thought of the shape of his hands, the way he held himself and the way he looked at her.

 

But Sarek was gone, back to Vulcan with a Vulcan wife and plans for a family and future.  

 

Amanda would not wait when there was nothing to wait for, would not hope for something that was not meant to be.

 

Maybe in her dreams they kissed and touch and Sarek was hers. But in the light of what was Gayatri was brilliant and beautiful in front of her with a warmth and an easiness Amanda liked.

 

Her life was hers to live in the here and now and Sarek had already made his choice.

  
"Yeah." She squeezed Gayatri's hands, the one cool metal the other warm skin. "I would like that a lot."


End file.
